Unleash Your Positive Possibilities in 2022: Where it Starts

I am sitting in Barnes and Noble at a small, round table by the Starbucks. With pen in hand, and a decaf latte and maple scone to satisfy me, I write a letter to myself in my journal. It’s a reflection of how I’ve done in this past year of my life. I just let it flow, whatever comes to mind goes down on the page. I ask myself questions like:

·       What am I proud of accomplishing or for just being me?

·       What do I want to celebrate about me?

·       What good things have happened?

·       What has challenged me?

·       What ways have I grown or changed that please me? (Even a little, beginnings count for lots)

·       What has delighted me and brought me or others joy?

·       What do I want to work on in my next year?

You get the picture. We are the manager of our lives. Just like companies take stock of their progress in a year to set meaningful goals for the next, we too can take stock to consciously direct our lives. And it begins with reflection.

You don’t have to write it on paper if that doesn’t feel comfortable to you. Reflect on some of these questions as you’re driving to work, showering, or exercising. I don’t actually reflect on each individual question, but a combo of the ones that speak to me. This year I celebrated my growth in its small, subtle ways and the positive actions I took to care for myself on mental, emotional, spiritual and physical levels.

Just to give you an idea of some of the areas I discovered in this process: After training as a coach, I’m a much better listener, not interjecting stories about me, and not telling others how to solve their problems; Less judgment of others, less judgment of myself; I feel shame when I’m a novice in a group of more skilled others (that goes!), I’ve become a supportive mother-in-law and mother by trusting the kids know what they want and not interjecting my unasked for opinions. Yay me!!!

This process is deeply gratifying. We all have our negative self-talk voice that can undermine all the good we do and the ways we are growing. By reflecting, we get to see all the good we’ve done and ways we’ve grown that we may not have consciously noticed. Which leads to…

Envisioning: A First Step in Making Dreams a Reality

“Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”

— Napoleon Hill

The beauty of reflecting on where we’ve been in the past year is it helps us choose where we want to go in the next. Whenever its someone’s birthday I say, “Wishing you your best year yet!” Isn’t that what we want for 2022?

So many of us set goals for the new year that we know we won’t follow through on. “I’m going to lose 10 pounds. I’m going to exercise every day. I’m going to be more positive.”

I’m a great fan of goals, I’m one of those goal-oriented people. And I know accomplishing goals involves focus, breaking the goal down into steps and a structure, and then developing routines and tracking our efforts to build the new behavior into our life. Whew! That takes a lot of energy and focus! Not all of us have the time or free mental space to do that (like now when we have Omicron to contend with.)

But here’s something heartening I’ve noticed—just by voicing our dream or goal to ourselves on paper or even while driving in the car, or to a trusted other person, the process of making our dreams a reality begins.

Around New Year’s I reflect on how I want to grow or move forward in my life at this new starting point. It’s really helpful that I took the time to reflect on my struggles and accomplishments in this present year. It’s like reading up on your next vacation spot. You have lots of info about the area of YOU to decide what you want to do and enjoy in your new year’s travels of living your best life.

As I said earlier, I’m a journal girl. So I make set down my dreams in the pages of my journal. And when I look back on my goals for 2021 it amazes me how many of them became my reality, even when I didn’t work consciously at the goal process!

Here’s why. “The thoughts we think literally become the “things” and events of our life,” Michael Dooley says in his inspiring book, Infinite Possibilities. He goes on to say, “It’s your imagination, beliefs, and expectations that draw you into the action, circumstances, and coincidences that make dream manifestation inevitable.”

So I say to you, give voice in writing or speaking to your dreams and goals for 2022, as an important first step in bringing forward your dearest wants and hopes in the new year!

Your Takeaways

1.     Take time to reflect on your highlights and lowlights of 2021. Free flow with the purpose of discovering your growth, what gave you satisfaction and joy, and what you want to work on for 2022.

2.     Several days later (before the end of week one in January) identify goals for various aspects of your life. Writing is a powerful tool for imprinting your dreams on your conscious and higher mind.

And know I am available as a life coach to help you gain clarity, overcome blocks and unleash your positive possibilities in 2022! Contact me for a free 30 minute introductory session at gail@uppcoach.com. Check out my website: https://www.uppcoach.com/

Thanks for being a loyal reader. Wishing you a very healthy and fabulous 2022!

The Affirming Way of Life can help you start your new year with a positive mindset to accomplish all you dream of! Available at Amazon.

I’m Confrontational – Are you?

It’s a beauuuutiful sunny day, in the mid 80’s, and I want to get outside and actively soak it up. Gus is comfortably stretched out on our worn, tan, leather couch watching CBS Sunday Morning when I pop the question.

“Want to go kayaking?”

I know Gus would mulch the entire yard in the blazing sun before he’d choose to go kayaking. “Is that a question? The answer is no.”

“Come on, it’s too nice out to watch TV. And our kayaks are gathering dust in the garage.”

Within 40 min we were on Mercer County Lake. That’s how Gus is. His no can quickly become a yes.

Slathered in sunscreen, equipped with caps, sunglasses, and life vests, we leisurely paddled enjoying the peaceful beauty.

“See those boats over there,” Gus said pointing to the line of small open vessels with high seats perched atop. “Those are coast guard boats.”

“How do you know?”

“Cause they look like a coast guard boat, and they’re gas powered.”

“Well, they’re anchored at the dock in front of the crew team’s boathouse. I’ve been on the lake when crew teams are practicing. A coach with a bullhorn directs them from these boats! (‘Hah!’)

“OK, maybe you’re right.”

We paddled on to a section of lake where spiky green cattails were all vying for a front seat by the water.

“That’s a sensitive wildlife area over there,” Gus said like the naturalist he’s not. I know nature’s a subject he’s not particularly interested in.

“How do you know?”

“Because there’s a sign in those weeds saying “Sensitive Wildlife Area.”

“I believe you now,” I said acquiescing to his win.

A Not so Pretty Realization

Win? What was I doing? Here my husband agreed to do something I love that he hates, and I was sparring with him. Sparring.

My self observations weren’t looking pretty.

The book I’m reading, Atomic Habits popped right into my head. My identity is rooted in all my good habits, but continuously calling Gus out on his statements was clearly a bad habit.

My husband is so tolerant of me, it made me sad to recognize how intolerant I can be of him. Thank God for honest self-reflection. Gus deserves better from me. I tucked my realization away to reflect on later.

I get excited when I recognize areas I need to grow in. We are all such a work in progress. I’m imperfect, Gus is imperfect, you and your loved ones are imperfect. The beauty of self-reflection is it gives us a chance to make things better. To live better.

A Plan for Being Better

Thank you dear reader for being there to read my blog. It’s because I wanted to share my realization with you, that I thought deeper on how I can change my way of communicating with my husband.  So I asked myself, how do I want to be with, Gus?

My answer was immediate: I want to be supportive, loving, kind, goofy (that’s me) and share happy moments. I want to create a flow of good energy in our relationship.

How can I do that? I pondered.

I can find a new way to respond when he talks like an authority.

I can say:

• Tell me more about that. Or

• That’s interesting, and acknowledge his thoughts. (I’m remembering Auggie’s teacher’s sage advice in the book Wonder, ‘If you have to choose between being right and kind, choose kind.’ That line always makes my heart swell. Now to live it!)

So I ask you, who do you have a bad habit with that you want to change?

Try These Takeaways

• Become the observer of your words and actions with this person.

• Identify what triggers you.

• Identify how you react.

• Ask yourself, how would I like to be in this relationship?

• Choose another way to respond and commit to doing that.

I’ll let you know how I do in the next blog, and please let me know how you do, too!

End note: When I decided to write a blog about this experience, I talked to Gus about it at a relaxed time over dinner.

“I notice I spar with you whenever you make statements of fact that are not your area of knowledge. How do you feel when I do that?”

“Undermined.”

“But you don’t respond defensively?”

“Why would I? It’s just part of you to be confrontational. (Confrontational? Me. Ewww. True. ) I’d be shocked if you weren’t,” he said good-naturedly with a twinkle in his eye. “95% of what we know we can’t document because we absorb so much from TV, news and life.”

I hadn’t considered that. Very enlightening.

If you like what you read here, check out my award-winning book available on Amazon that can help you have more fulfilling connections with everyone in your life:

The Affirming Way of Life: See the Good, Speak the Good, Spread the Good

Available on Amazon